i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
