they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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