So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just found a bag of teeth...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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