mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
