discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
