I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize