Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
