it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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