lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
