She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I smell like Dick and happiness
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
