He had one of those small greek statue penises
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
