Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
