i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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