Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We had sex on a dog bed..
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
