You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
