jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize