I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize