sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
