why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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