why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
