Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Life is so much better after having sex.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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