dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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