You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
