i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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