My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Boobs are out for the taking
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
