Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
