YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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