I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
