I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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