We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
