I puked a lego.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
