Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
