once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
