If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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