his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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