shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
