she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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