It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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