shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
