Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
my poor anus
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
