I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
