Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
