just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
