Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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