You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
