dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
