I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize