Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm getting married
To pizza
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He shit in the fireplace
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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