My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
the liver wants what the liver wants
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
