he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
