Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
