Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
