Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
