dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
