gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
soo... how was my night?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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