North Korea, Best Korea!
they need to just BURY HIM!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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