Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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