She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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