haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
