i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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