this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
