I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
