laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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