Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
