dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
