Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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