how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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