Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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