Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
