if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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