it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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