I want to walk on stilts...naked
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
