am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
