You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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