Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my being single is dangerous.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
