Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
