Where is the hickey?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
