It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
