I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize