Is it because I queefed?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Boobs speak an international language.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
