Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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